Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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