I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
