I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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