shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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