I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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