I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
