We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
