it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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