my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
