the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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