respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
