I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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