new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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