So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
