I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
