Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
