its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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