This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
