theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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