break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
