okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
