Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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