So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
