So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
