i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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