I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
