i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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