Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
