Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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