I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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