Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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