he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
