we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
