Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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