i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
