i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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