i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
