i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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