yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
