So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
