There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
