im six kinds of drunk right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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