like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
