i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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