Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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