I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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