Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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