Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
