i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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