mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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