no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
