I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
