I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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