Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
