If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
