hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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