Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
