honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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